12 Things You Should Never Say To A Childfree Woman

Being childfree by choice might be increasingly common, but it’s not easy. Being a childfree woman comes with a lot of stigma, particularly in conservative circles. The pressure to have kids is real, and the remarks women get can be brutal. If you have a childfree friend, do her a favor. Don’t say these utterly disparaging phrases below.

“Why?”

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You should never, ever ask a woman why she chooses not to have kids. Some childfree women chose to remain childfree because of inherited diseases that could hurt their children. Others may feel they’re not mentally well enough for kids. Still more have other deeply private reasons not to have kids.

Asking is intrusive, nosy, and degrading. Don’t do it.

“But You Need Them!”

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This also comes up as, “Who will take care of you when you’re older?” or “Aren’t you going to be all alone without kids?”

No one needs kids. You can hire a nurse to care for you. You can have a thriving community around you. Kids are not mandatory for a happy old age. If you don’t believe it, ask anyone who’s in a nursing home who doesn’t see their kids much.

“What If Mr. Right Wants ‘Em?”

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It doesn’t matter what a hypothetical man wants, even if he’s perfect in every other way. What matters is what the woman in question wants. If she wants zero kids and some random guy wants a gaggle of babies, they’re not going to be compatible.

In other words, her particular Mr. Right will not want kids. Stop assuming that a guy can change women’s minds!

“Liar.”

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Is there any reason why so many people don’t believe women when they say what they want to do in life? If a 16-year-old teenager chooses to keep a baby, no one questions it. However, if a 32-year-old woman says she does not want to have kids, people say she’s “still young” and that she’ll “change her mind later.”

Both of these decisions are permanent. Yet, only the one that involves giving birth seems to be taken seriously. It’s insanely insulting to the woman you’re speaking to.

“What About Your Parents?”

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It doesn’t matter what her parents or her in-laws want. A childfree woman has every right to avoid motherhood regardless of what her elderly family members think.

If her parents want a baby so badly, they can get a surrogate to carry another child for them to raise. They can also adopt if they are so baby-crazy. It’s not her duty to have a child she doesn’t want in order to please someone else!

“Different When It’s Your Own.”

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Some parents end up changing their minds when they are pregnant, but not all do. We’ve all heard of parents who resented or even hated their own children. Children who grow up with regretful parents can deal with years of trauma. It’s incredibly hurtful to know you weren’t wanted by your parents.

Do you really think it’s wise for women to make that gamble? No. It’s not. So stop trying to convince childfree women to have kids. The main reason it’s “different when it’s your own” is that you can’t give the baby back to someone else.

“Accidents Happen.”

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There is no way that this phrase can be turned into a good thing. At best, you’re saying that the woman in question might have an accident happen where she might have to deal with the trauma of an abortion or giving a child up for adoption.

At worst, you’re openly wishing for her body autonomy to go out the window. That’s absolutely horrific. Quite a few women will immediately cut ties with you if they hear you say that.

“Sociopath!”

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For reasons unknown to rational people, society paints women who don’t want kids as evil, sociopathic ice queens. The truth is that most childfree women are deeply empathetic people who just want different things in life or believe they are not equipped for the role of parenting.

They can be amazing aunts, great besties, or even the kind coworkers who get you out of sticky situations. It’s incredibly unfair to assume they are soulless just because of their reproductive choices.

“Are You Traumatized?”

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This is another stigma that childfree women often deal with. People tend to assume that their dislike of motherhood deals with trauma. While that can sometimes be true, it’s not always the case. Making that assumption is ignorant and demeaning to the woman in question.

Childfree women don’t need to be “fixed by therapy.” The only type of “fix” they should need is sterilization if that’s what they want.

“You Don’t Know True Love!”

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This is one of those phrases that comes off as both infantilizing and condescending. How do you know that they don’t know what love is? Not every person experiences love as a parent. In fact, some people’s parenting experiences are nothing more than decades of regret and resentment.

Smug remarks like this are rude at best and breakup-worthy at worst.

“Not A Real Woman.”

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If there had to be one thing that you should never do to anyone, it’s calling them defective for their lifestyle choices. Childfree women are often called “selfish,” “defective,” or just “not a real woman” because they choose to skip motherhood.

This isn’t just hurtful. These types of remarks are misogynistic as heck and reduce women down to the contents of their uterus. If you say this, don’t be surprised if the woman in question stops talking to you.

“Life On Easy Mode.”

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It’s bizarre how often people assume that child-free women have easy lives filled with free time, joy, and partying until the break of dawn. This isn’t usually true. Child-free women may have rough home lives, demanding careers, or very tight schedules filled with responsibilities.

Don’t assume that a woman has it easy because she doesn’t have kids. You never know what’s going on behind closed doors.

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