Things No One Tells You About Being A Divorced Woman

Divorce is rough at any age, but it always seems like people focus on those who are going through that process. The truth is that life after divorce is just as worthy of discussion as the actual process itself. 

You had your “sock day,” and were able to free yourself of your ex. Now what? Well, you probably wished that someone had warned you about these things…

Your besties might not stay your besties

You may have had that one friend (or multiple friends) who you thought would stick with you day in, day out. You were friends to the very end…of your divorce. After the papers were served, she started to distance herself. 

Believe it or not, this is a legitimate phenomenon. Divorce is statistically contagious, and insecure people might start to see you as a threat. They may also want to avoid the stigma around it. Regardless, friendship can change after divorce, and no one tells you that.

Those first months can feel so lonely and strange

For years, you lived with this person. They were your rock. You’d come home, and they’d be there with all their stuff. Now…they’re not there. They won’t be there again. Even if you hated your ex, it will feel strange. 
Most people don’t tell you how jarring it can be to stay on your own at first, especially in an old house.

The silence in your home can feel deafening. Our suggestion? Breathe new life into that home and make it yours. It helps.

You might reunite with people you thought were gone

In abusive marriages, spouses are often isolated from friends. If you divorced an abusive spouse, you might have assumed that your friends and family no longer want to talk to you. More often than not, that’s a lie.

If you haven’t already, contact those you drifted apart from. You might be surprised at how happy they are to hear from you. 

The dating market is still in your favor

Contrary to what men on the internet might say, women are still in high demand throughout their 40s, 50s, and 60s. If anything, most men are the ones who tend to have a hard time in the post-divorce world. 

If you want to remarry, you absolutely have a good shot at finding a new Mr. Right. With that being said…

You might not want to remarry ever again—and that’s okay!

After a certain age, marriage tends to lose its appeal to women. By age 50, women report that most men want “a nurse or a purse” when they are dating. Most women are burnt out from that caretaker role. 

Staying single by choice is now the most common outcome for divorced women over 50. How common is it? 77 percent of mid-life divorcees choose not to cohabitate or marry 10 years after their divorce. 

The money will probably be tighter than you expected it to be

It’s common knowledge that women are more likely to experience financial hardship after divorce. Part of it is due to the childcare costs you might have incurred, while other parts may deal with a wage gap or even a spouse who refuses to pay alimony. 

You might have already braced yourself for this, but it can still be a serious shock. 

Your kids might stop talking to their dad

Among adult children of divorcees, it’s not uncommon to hear about them going no-contact with their dads. Meanwhile, women might end up developing a closer relationship with their children. This can be due to a wide variety of factors, including men simply walking away from children.

Approximately 1 out of every 5 children never see their fathers after 15 years post-separation. With that said, you might not want to try to encourage it to happen. Parental alienation is actually a significant divorce court offense in multiple states.

There is a legitimate grieving process

There is something to be said about the heartbreak that comes with divorce. It’s a different type of heartbreak. It feels like you’re grieving a death, but that person is still alive. Somehow, it just hurts more because you could see them, but it’s just not in the cards for you.

There will be moments when you are “ugly crying,” with rivers of tears that you didn’t even know you could muster. There will also be moments when you are laughing and celebrating the day, the feeling of the divorce acting as a distant memory.

Those tears will come and go in waves. Thankfully, every moment of grief tends to be less painful than the last. It’s a slow process, but you’ll eventually overcome it.

There will be A moment where you Get Reacquainted With yourself

No one really tells you how much of yourself you lose in marriage. Whether you realize it or not, there are a bunch of little things you compromise when you are married to someone. You might skip your favorite meal, or you might not fold your laundry just the way you like it.

Or, maybe it’s something more major.

Regardless, those parts of yourself and your own happy lifestyle tend to slip away when you’re partnered up. When you divorce, it’s those same parts that you tend to get reacquainted with. Start by cooking that meal you adore but your partner hates. You’ll be glad you did.

You will Probably Feel Less Lonely Being Alone

Did you hear the now-viral phrase “married single mom?” It explains that unique, nagging feeling that you have to do everything at home without the help of a spouse. Married single moms often feel drained, helpless, and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work they have to do to keep their homes intact.

Most of the women who feel like married single moms are shocked to find out how much more free time they have when they kick their spouses to the curb. Even being a single mom tends to feel easier than being married to the wrong man.

The stigma is real

We all like to think that the stigma of divorce is a thing of the past. After all, divorce is now very common in America. It’s no longer the outlier, right? Well, yes, it’s common. Unfortunately, “common” doesn’t mean the same thing as “destigmatized.”

Even if you live in a fairly liberal area, you will see people change their tone with you when they hear that you have an ex-husband. It might be an eyebrow arch, an “Oh?” or maybe a quick question about what happened. The stigma is real, and only other divorcees will get it.

You will surprise yourself

There will be moments when you will wonder how the heck you got on without your partner. There will be moments where you literally feel like you can’t go on without your ex. And despite everything, you’ll find yourself happily trucking along and making your life a little better day by day.

You’ll be amazed at how resourceful, strong, and, yes, even lucky you can be. If you have the right people around you, they will surprise you with how helpful they can be, too.