Childless vs Childfree: What’s the difference?

Did you know that birth rates are declining in almost every single country in the world? It’s true. In America, slightly less than half of all women have no children. A recent study revealed that 14 percent of all women are expected never to have children. Pew Research Center notes that the number could be as high as 1 in 5 women.

Two terms tend to describe women who don’t have children: childless and childfree. Though they seem similar, these terms are not the same. Here’s why it matters.

The Childless Woman

Historically, women who had no children were called “childless,” regardless of the reasons why. Childlessness is now a term with more nuance. A woman who is childless is a woman who wants children (often desperately so) but cannot have them for one reason or another.

Childlessness is often a matter of infertility, or just not finding the right partner in time, or just not having kids yet. A woman who refers to herself as childless is a woman who very likely wants to have kids. Sadly, fate had different plans for her.

You can be voluntarily childless (childfree or “not yet”) or involuntarily childless. An involuntarily childless woman is the woman who tears up at the empty crib in her home.

The Childfree Woman

“Childfree” is a term that’s fairly new to the conversation surrounding kids. Unlike being childless, being childfree is a personal decision. Childfree women are women who have considered having children but decided it was not for them.

In other words, these are women who are actively avoiding a visit from the stork. They do not want kids. They are not grieving the chance of having children. Simply put, they have other priorities. They can be coupled up or have pets, but they are not grieving a lack of kids.

The Fencesitter

Though it’s not as common as the other two terms, there’s a third term that can be used to describe women without children. Fencesitters are people who don’t have kids yet and are currently debating if they want to have kids.

Fencesitters can choose to become parents later in life, or they can choose to become fully childfree. They just haven’t quite figured it out and are taking their time. This term became popular on the hit forum site Reddit.

Public attitudes

How the public generally treats childless and childfree women also tends to differ. Childless women are often treated with a lot of pitying looks or the quiet expectation that they’ll have kids later on. They are generally seen as women who are down on their luck, but people often respect their decisions regarding kids.

Childfree women, on the other hand, are generally derided. People either don’t believe them, invalidate their desires, or actively try to change their minds. They may even get denied sterilization. It’s a very demeaning and dehumanizing experience for them…and yet, it’s scarily common.

The Rise In Childfree Living

Up until fairly recently, there were few things as taboo as a woman who did not want to have kids. Most people just assumed it was an eventuality. It was just “what everyone did,” even though birth control was readily available.

The number of people embracing a childfree lifestyle is steadily growing. In 2021, around 44 percent of all people said they don’t believe that they’ll have kids. Half of those people explained that it was a matter of not wanting kids.

The Problems With Childlessness

Being involuntarily childless in today’s society can be pretty devastating, especially if being a parent was a lifelong dream of yours. Unfortunately, being childless also tends to be made harder by the government. Sky-high adoption fees and a rough foster care system make it difficult for would-be parents to get the family they want.

To make matters worse, states are starting to ban IVF treatments. So, one of the few ways to have a baby with medical assistance just got harder.

The Problems with Childfree Life

It seems like doctors and medical professionals can’t be happy with women regardless of what they choose. For years, lawmakers have been working to strip women of the right to abortion. Today, they’re also beginning to work on banning birth control.

Even without the bans, childfree women often have a hard time finding doctors willing to sterilize them. Doctors, being misogynistic, assume they know a patient’s desires better than they do. Trying to find a doctor willing to sterilize women under 30 can be very difficult.

The Key Similarity

The lack of children aside, there is another key similarity between the two groups of women: people treat them badly. While men are rarely ever questioned about their reproductive choices, women are often debased if they don’t have a child, regardless of what their reasoning is.

The stigma surrounding women who aren’t moms is real. It can affect everything from job opportunities to inclusion in certain circles. It’s particularly bad when it comes to a woman’s medical decisions. Not even doctors listen to women when they make decisions about their lives.

Family Problems

A bigger issue that both childless and childfree women face deals with families. Many women who don’t have kids are shoved to the side whenever a sibling or cousin ends up having a baby. This leads to both of them feeling left out or even shunned by their own loved ones.

Is this fair? No, it’s not. Sadly, it’s still a commonplace occurrence in many families. In fact, it’s even caused some women to cut ties with their family members. Who can blame them? It’s messed up that women who have no kids are treated like second fiddles!

Finding Support

Both childless and childfree women tend to get marginalized in our society. Women who are mothers are given priority in many situations. Or rather, they are given a lot more respect. They’re seen as the default, and people just seem to be more understanding with them.

Thankfully, the internet is a great venue for women in need of support. Reddit is great for both groups, not to mention fencesitters too.

Political Backlash

It’s easy to see where a lot of the stigma and problems come from: politics. Low birth rates are not good for politicians, regardless of the reason. Lower birth rates mean that it will be harder to staff jobs, keep up employment numbers, and also keep society working.

The only way to prevent problems is to plan ahead for them. It’s a human right to decide whether or not you want kids. People need to get over it and realize that being childfree is something a healthy society plans for.

Fighting back

The truth is that women who don’t have kids both have their body rights under attack right now, often under the guise of “protecting babies.” The only way to make things better is to fight back and vote for pro-choice parties.

Talking can also help. Until people realize the stigma shouldn’t exist, that’s all we can do as a collective.