Things No One Prepares You For Dating As A Lesbian
Coming out as a woman who loves women is hard enough. Going on a date with a girl you like, or even finding one? That’s a whole ‘nother animal. LGBTQIA+ dating is already tough, but when you’re a lesbian, it feels like you’re in hard mode.
If only someone would warn others about what comes with dating as a lesbian…Oh wait. We’re here to do just that.
You will probably have to stick to online dating
It’s true. Being a lesbian means that you are going to have a smaller dating pool than most, and not all cities have gay bars that feature lesbian nights. For many LGBTQ women, online dating is the only way to meet women you don’t already know.
Straight men will claim to be women to try to sleep with you
It’s no secret that men don’t really believe that women can be gay. Is it any surprise, then, that cishet men are now going on Tinder claiming to be female in hopes of getting a lesbian? It’s become a major source of contention online, with many women hoping the app will ban these men.
Some guys genuinely believe they can “convert you” to a straight woman
If a typical lesbian had a dollar for every time she heard a guy confidently (and incorrectly) say that she “just didn’t have the right guy yet,” there would be a lot of wealthy ladies. Why they think this is okay is beyond us. It’s frustrating and invalidating for lesbians to hear this common misconception perpetuated by those who fail to understand or respect their sexual orientation.
Flirting can get awkward quickly
Women tend to be a lot more guarded when it comes to their love lives, even if they’re gay. There’s a lot of worry in the lesbian dating scene about coming off as too aggressive or giving someone the wrong impression. So, you will likely get into this weird limbo where no one makes the first move and just hovers closer to each other.
You might not even know you’re on a date half the time
Remember how we mentioned that making the first move is hard for most lesbians? Well, this can lead to some awkward invites where a girl might ask you to “hang out,” only to mean that it’s a date. This can lead to a lot of problems, particularly if you’re already coupled up. It’s best to be upfront.
The risk of things getting toxic is real
Most heterosexual relationships can get spicy and rocky. With lesbian relationships, everything just feels that much more intense. This can get ugly, fast, with the wrong partner.
Anywhere from 17 to 45 percent of all lesbian couples will have to deal with abuse from a partner. Around 43 percent of lesbians will deal with assault, rape, or stalking by a partner, compared to only 36 percent of heterosexual women.
You might get rejected if you have an ex-boyfriend.
If you noticed a lesbian’s face fall when you told her that you had an ex-boyfriend or were bisexual, you’re not alone. Because a lot of lesbian relationships get broken up as a result of one partner craving a man, many lesbians don’t want to date bisexual women. To them, it’s too big of a risk.
There is a whole lingo you need to know
Sometimes, lesbian dating can sound like you’re learning a foreign language. There are a lot of terms that are exclusive to the lesbian community. Whether you’re a butch, a boi, a lipstick lesbian, or a gold star lesbian doesn’t matter. You’re going to need to know what each term means to get a better understanding of things.
The lingo is a cornerstone of life as a lesbian. It’s part of being in a tight-knit community. Speaking of which…
Surprise! Your ex knows your girlfriend, probably
Since most cities have very tight-knit lesbian communities, there’s a good chance that your new date might know your ex. Most lesbians run in the same circles, especially in the bar scene or LGBT organization scenes. You might end up knowing her ex, too. So, it’s not entirely awkward, right?
Oh, and your friend might date your ex. (Sorry.)
You will need to relearn How To date
There are so many weird and messed up tropes that we internalize because we grow up in a cis-gendered, heterosexual world. We’re told men’s roles, women’s roles, and what women are supposed to want. When you’re a lesbian, you don’t have much choice but to confront those beliefs and unpack everything that doesn’t serve you.
You might be surprised to discover how much you will have to relearn about yourself, your friendships, and even your relationship with your body. It can be a multiyear journey.
The pressure to rush relationships can be very real
The term “U-Haul lesbian” is a real thing. It describes lesbian couples that meet, start dating, and almost immediately move in together. For reasons unbeknownst to humanity, lesbians tend to rush relationships like most people rush their Amazon packages.
Though the pressure to move in and marry can be intense, you don’t need to rush things. Your Ms. Right will have all the time in the world.
You’ll feel a million times better when you can be yourself
The hardest part about being LGBTQIA+ is dealing with the stigma that people give it. You might have people question your life choices, tell you you’re “wrong,” or even say you’re sick. You’re not sick. You’re a lesbian, and you’re allowed to live your life as you see fit.
The more you embrace yourself, the happier you’ll be…even if it doesn’t seem that way right off the bat.
