14 “What If” Questions You Need To Ask Your Spouse Right Now

Do you think you know everything about your partner? Think again! There’s always more to uncover, especially when you start asking them these fun and thought-provoking “what if” questions. With a little help from therapist Jeff Guenther, we’ve curated a list of insightful hypotheticals that can spark deeper conversations with your spouse. Their answers might just surprise you! And don’t forget, they’ll likely want to hear your take, too, so have your answers ready!

Note: The content of this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Always consult with a qualified professional for advice tailored to your individual circumstances.

What If I Wanted To Be Less Intimate?

Asking your partner, “Would you stay with me if I wanted to be less intimate? Like 50%-70% less” can lead to an important discussion about needs and boundaries in your relationship. Intimacy has a lot of forms, from emotional connections to physical closeness, and wanting to scale back might stem from personal reasons or changes in your circumstances. This question invites your partner to reflect on their understanding of intimacy and what it means to them.

What If I Had To Move 3,000 Miles Away?

Asking your partner, “Would you stay with me if we had to go a long distance because I move 3,000 miles away for work?” might seem silly, but it can really give you a lot of insight, as Jeff tells us. Asking this question lets you gauge how your partner feels about a potentially difficult situation and whether they see a future together despite the distance. It can also show you how you would both handle the emotional and logistical challenges of being so far away from each other.

What If I Changed My Mind About Kids?

Jeff mentions this question phrased something like this “Would you stay with me if I changed my mind about having kids with you?” What do you think your partner would say? Is this something you think you can ask? Doing so can lead to a deep and meaningful conversation about your future together. Decisions about having children are very foundational to a relationship. It affects everything from lifestyle choices to long-term goals.

What If I Cheated In The Beginning?

What do you think your partner would say if you asked them the question, “Would you stay with me if I told you I cheated on you? But it was only in the beginning, and I felt so bad I’ll never do it again.” This is one question Jeff says can be a challenging thing to ask your partner and might test the relationship. This question asks both of you to think about how past actions shape your present relationship and whether you can truly move forward together. Approach this topic with sensitivity if you do ask.

What If I Changed My Religious Views?

What if you were to become completely immersed in a random, specific religion or swear off religion altogether and become a hard-core agnostic? Asking your partner, “Would you stay with me if I changed my religious views drastically?” can open up a conversation about beliefs, values, and the foundation of your relationship. In the end, a conversation can actually strengthen your bond by emphasizing the importance of open communication and mutual respect in a partnership.

What If I Want Us To Get Rid Of Our Phones?

Jeff phrased this question something like this: “Would you stay with me if I wanted to delete all of my social media accounts and get rid of my smartphone? In order to stay with me, you have to do the same.” What do you think would come of asking your partner this question? Would they do it? It’s definitely something they would have to think about (or maybe they wouldn’t), but it can give you a lot of insight into the lengths your partner is willing to go to stay with you and the things they’re willing to try.

What If I Quit My Job And Change My Path?

This is a question that can bring similar or opposing underlying values to the table. What if you wanted to quit your job, return to school (taking on a lot of debt), and spend years building towards a new path in life? Do you think your partner would say they’d support you or leave you? This is a question Jeff brings up that can definitely be a touchy subject. But it opens the door to discussing your aspirations and how they align with your partner’s vision for the future.

What If I Want To Become An Influencer?

Do you think your partner would stay with you if you decided to become a social media influencer, start a podcast, and draw on personal experiences between you two to share with the world? This is one of the questions posed by Jeff that helps you explore how supportive your partner would be of your aspirations and whether they see this path as something that could enhance or complicate your relationship. It also helps you gain a better understanding of each other.

What If Your Enemy Becomes My Best Friend?

Another question Jeff suggests you ask your partner to test the bounds of your relationship is, “Would you stay with me if I became best friends with your arch nemesis?” Having this conversation can feel weird, but it can help you both understand the importance of boundaries, communication, and mutual respect. It also helps you talk about potential social situations and a healthy balance between friendships and romantic relationships.

What If I Wanted To Start A Farm?

“Would you stay with me if I wanted to start a farm?” This isn’t a question from Jeff Guenther, but it’s still a valid “Would you stay with me if” question that can reveal a lot about the compatibility of the relationship. Starting a farm takes a ton of commitment, both in time and resources, and it may require a complete shift in how you both live your lives. This question helps you to explore your partner’s feelings about rural living, the demands of farm life, and the sacrifices that might come with it.

What If I Want To Become An Entrepreneur?

This is another question separate from Jeff’s ideas but, again, one worth asking: “Would you stay with me if.” Asking them this question can start a conversation about your relationship’s ambitions, risks, and dynamics. An entrepreneurial journey often involves uncertainty, long hours, and potential financial instability, which can directly impact both of your lives. This question encourages you to talk about your aspirations and how they align with your partner’s vision for the future.

“What if We Went Broke?”

Do you and your partner have a backup plan that you can use in the face of bankruptcy? You may want to talk about what would happen if you suddenly lost all your money. While we hope this never happens in real life, it is always good to have a plan in place. This “what if” question will open your eyes to your spouse’s plan for emergencies and also your own.

“What if I don’t get along with your mom?”

Relationships between your spouse’s parents and yourself can be pretty important, especially if your spouse is close to their parents. But what if you didn’t get along with his mom? Would your spouse want to leave you and stick by his mother’s side? Or would we try to manage both relationships in a civil way? This question will show where his loyalties lie and the devotion he has to his family.

“What If I Wanted to Live Off The Grid?”

Living off the grid would be a wild adventure. Just imagine no phones, no internet, and only the essentials. It would definitely test not only your survival skills and creativity but would also force a couple to rely on each other more than ever. See if your spouse thinks the two of you would make it and what the hardest part would be. Maybe the two of you would actually thrive off the grid!

This article was inspired by the Instagram account of therapist Jeff Guenther.