What Is Fexting and How It Might Be Damaging Your Relationship

If you use TikTok, X, or Snapchat, you might know what fexting is. However, many older people might not be aware of texting or the potential dangers it can pose. You could be texting without even realizing it!

Let us explain all the ins and outs of fexting and how it can contribute to the decline of your romantic relationships and friendships. Negative habits today can have important effects, and we should all be aware of them.

Fexting Explained

Before we discuss the problem of fexting, it’s important to understand what this buzzword means. “Fexting” is a portmanteau of “fighting” and “texting.” In other words, it’s the act of fighting with a significant other over text rather than in person.

If you’ve ever bickered via text, you’ve fexted.

Why Fext?

If you’ve ever had a hard time explaining something to someone in person, you probably understand the allure of fexting. It’s easier for people to tell their true feelings over text rather than face-to-face. Fexting makes it easier to say difficult things they otherwise would never say to their significant others.

Most younger generations today prefer text messaging as their favorite mode of communication. So, it makes sense that fexting has grown in popularity over recent years.

The Perks Of Fexting

Believe it or not, fexting can be useful at times. If you have a hard time confronting people about bad behavior, broaching the subject via text can help prevent further problems. However, this approach needs to involve tact in order to remain a healthy practice.

Confronting a partner via text can be a smart decision if you need time to compile your thoughts. Texting offers a time buffer that regular conversation often doesn’t.

Safety Concerns

Fexting is often a smart choice if you are trying to break up with an abuser or if you are trying to document abuse. Text messages can be screenshotted and saved. Courts also accept text messages as evidence, so if you need legal help, fexting can be a smart choice.

Arguing (or breaking up) via text also gives you physical space away from your partner. If your partner has hit you before, fexting or doing a text breakup can help keep you safe.

The Problems With Fexting

While texting can be easy and safe, it also has its pitfalls. Fexting can leave certain statements up for interpretation, and it’s harder to convey feelings and emotions through text compared to in-person interactions.

What you may have typed out as an honest statement may come off as sarcastic or brash to your partner. This can lead to further miscommunications down the line.

Letting Loose

The biggest problem that many people have with fexting is that the “facelessness” of the argument often means partners are less inhibited about how they talk to one another. You might end up saying something that seriously hurts your partner, only to realize how damaging it is later on.

Are you not sure where the line is drawn? If you wouldn’t say it to your partner’s face, don’t say it to them via text.

Referees?

If you’re like many people, you might have also shown your text argument to a friend to see if you were out of line. Maybe you just wanted them to cheer you on as you tore someone a new one. Or perhaps you wanted them to act as a “referee.”

This may seem innocent, but it can make your friends hate your significant other over time. They can read only so many arguments before they want to tell you to break up with your partner.

Public Humiliation

Yet another damaging issue happens when someone uses your own arguments against you. We’ve all seen posts on social media where one person’s fexting conversation turns unhinged. When someone posts your conversations on social media for all to see, it can be humiliating and even reputation-ruining.

While it may be well-deserved at times, the truth is that these conversations can also be twisted around to make innocent people look bad. Depending on how bad it is, you might end up traumatized by this level of betrayal.

A Sign Of Immaturity?

As mentioned before, there are some moments where fexting can make a lot of sense. However, continually arguing and confronting people exclusively through text can become a toxic trait. People don’t want to associate with people who can’t have tough conversations in person.

This repeated behavior can leave people wondering whether or not you are happy with them when you talk in person. After a while, people will start to walk around on eggshells or just leave you, tired from trying to guess when the next text argument will be.

Adding Stress

Believe it or not, most people don’t like the vagueness of fexting. It can lead to them stressing out, confused about where they stand with you, or even just stressed about how you’ll behave when you finally see them. In other words, it’s a “bad vibes” move.

In many cases, live arguments or tactful conversations can improve things better than text conversations. This is doubly true if you’re worried about misinterpretation.

Choose Carefully

Let’s be honest. Some arguments are better left via text. This is especially true if you are worried about your safety or if you are trying to get a simple point across. However, major conversations might be better done in person, where you can gauge a person’s reactions.

If you cannot communicate with a partner without relying on your phone, it might be time to pause your relationship. Communicating clearly and effectively is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, after all.

Watch What You Say!

If you choose to text-fight, you might as well use a little common sense. If you don’t want your messages posted on an online message board for all to see, don’t send them. Don’t send that text if you would never dare say something to a stranger.

The person at the other end of the phone is a human being. Remember that when you text them.

To Meet or Not To Meet

After your fight by text, you may be tempted to meet the other person. This may happen for several reasons. Either because you feel guilty, you want to make peace, or you want to check how they are doing. If this is the case, keep a few things in mind. Do you feel safe with this person? If you’re meeting your ex-abuser, don’t assume he’s changed just because it seems so by message. Second, consider the other person’s will. If your ex-partner doesn’t want to see you as you decided to break up by text, respect their choice and stop insisting.

Consider Alternative Ways

If you are now in the process of deciding whether fexting is the right option for you, keep in mind that there are plenty of other ways to discuss delicate topics with your partner. For instance, you may write him a letter and give it to him the first time you see him. This technique will help you convey all your feelings without facing a massive fight.

The Power of Voice Messages

Another great idea is to opt for a voice message. While this is not like talking to someone in person, it is still better than texting. Why? Because the receiver can get a better idea of what you’re communicating to him thanks to your tone of voice. If you decide to opt for this method, get a good idea of what you will say and rehearse a few times to ensure your message will be concise, precise, and assertive.

Silence Over Fexting

If you have fallen into a fexting cycle, you may want to consider phone silence rather than continuing a phone fight. There is great power in silence, and saying nothing is often the best way to resolve a fight. Do not answer negative or provocative texts, but instead, turn off your phone until you have cooled down. When you’re ready to talk rationally, you can reconsider your response. Letting your emotions even out and relax will prevent a lot of fights, both digital and in person.