I Wish I Knew These 15 Things About Relationships When I Was 20
When I was in my 20s, I thought I knew everything. This was even true when it came to relationships and love. Now that I have been through multiple relationships and have had decades of life experiences, I look back at my 20-year-old self and wish I had known better. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself these things that would make every one of my relationships easier, more enjoyable, and even healthier. Hopefully, these pieces of advice will help a few people who are new to navigating relationships find their footing earlier than I did!
Don’t Fix Him (He is Not a Door Knob)
When I was younger, I thought it was my job to fix everything about the person I loved. But here’s what I learned: people are not things you can fix, like a broken door knob. My partner is who he is, with his strengths and weaknesses. Trying to change him only made things harder for both of us. I realized that it’s more important to accept him as he is. If something bothers me, it’s better to talk about it instead of trying to change him. Relationships are not about making the other person perfect but about growing together.
Don’t be Obsessed With How You Look
In my 20s, I spent so much time worrying about my appearance. I thought looking perfect was the key to happiness (and love). But over time, I learned that looks aren’t everything. What truly matters is how I feel about myself inside. I realized that confidence and kindness make me more attractive than any makeup (or fancy clothes). It’s okay to want to look nice, but it’s even more important to love myself the way I am without needing always to look perfect.
Never Date a Person Who is Possessive Or Jealous
I used to think that if someone was jealous, they cared about me. However, I learned that jealousy and possessiveness are not signs of love. They’re signs of control and insecurity. Being with someone constantly questioning my actions or trying to control who I talk to made me feel trapped. A healthy relationship is built on trustworthiness and mutual respect, not jealousy. I deserve to be with someone who feels confident in our relationship and trusts me, just like I trust them.
Love Yourself Before Loving Someone Else
In my 20s, I was always searching for someone to love me. But I realized the most important love I needed was the one I gave myself. Before I could have a healthy relationship with anyone else, I had first to love who I was. This means accepting my flaws, being kind to myself, and understanding that I don’t need someone else to make me feel complete. I became happier when I learned to love myself, and my relationships with others improved.
Don’t Worry About Your Love Life
When I was younger, I spent much time worrying about love. I thought I needed to find the perfect person right away. But now I know that love takes time and happens when it’s meant to. It’s okay if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. There’s no rush, and everyone’s love story is different. Instead of worrying, I should have focused on having fun and enjoying my life. Love will come when the time is right, and being happy with yourself is more important.
Your Love For a Person Will Change with Time
When I was younger, I believed love would always feel the same. I thought if I loved someone, those strong feelings would never change. But over time, I learned that love does change. At first, love feels exciting and new, but it can become deeper (and more comfortable) as time passes. It doesn’t mean the love is less; it grows differently. I’ve learned that it’s normal for love to change as we grow together. The important thing is to keep caring and supporting each other, even as things feel different over time.
Trust Your Inner Instincts
When something didn’t feel right in my relationship, I ignored my gut feeling. But I learned that trusting my instincts is important. It usually meant something was off if I felt my partner wasn’t truthful. My inner instincts are there to protect me, and ignoring them only leads to more problems later. It’s okay to question things if something doesn’t feel right. Trusting myself has helped me make better choices in relationships. It’s better to talk openly if I feel something is wrong rather than staying quiet and doubting myself.
Never Stay With a Partner Who Makes You Cry
I used to think that all relationships were supposed to be hard and that crying sometimes was normal. But I learned that a good relationship shouldn’t always make me sad or hurt. If my partner made me cry more than smile, it was a sign that something was wrong. Love should make me feel safe, happy, and supported, not constantly upset. It took me time to understand that I deserve to be with someone who brings me joy, not tears. If someone makes me cry often, it’s better to walk away and find someone who treats me kindly.
Don’t Move In Because You Want to Save Cash
When I was younger, I thought moving in with my partner would save money and be smart. But I learned that moving in together is a big step and shouldn’t just be about saving money. Living with someone means sharing your space, habits, and life, so it must be for the right reasons. If I moved in just to save money, it could create problems later. It’s better to move in when the relationship is strong, and we’re both ready. Money should never be the main reason for living together.
Never Date Your Best Friend
When I was younger, I thought dating my best friend would be great because we already got along well. But I learned that dating your best friend can be tricky. If the relationship doesn’t work out, it can hurt the friendship, too. It’s important to consider how much you value the friendship before starting a romantic relationship. If things go wrong, you might lose a partner and a friend. I realized that sometimes it’s better to stay friends than risk losing someone important to me.
Those Who Want You in Their Life will Make Efforts
I used to worry about whether someone cared about me or not. But over time, I learned that if someone truly wants me in their life, they will show it. They will make time for me, listen to me, and try to make the relationship work. I don’t need to chase after anyone or beg for their attention. People who care will put in the effort. If someone doesn’t, it’s okay to move on. Being with people who value me and make me feel special is important.
Don’t Compare Your Love Life with Others
In my 20s, I used to look at other people’s relationships and wonder if mine was good enough. I compared my love life to others and felt I was missing out. However, I learned that every relationship is different, and what works for one couple might not work for me. It’s not fair to compare my love life to someone else’s. My relationship is unique and about what makes me and my partner happy. It’s important to focus on my love story instead of trying to match someone else’s.
Never Settle
There are so many incredible people in the world that you should never settle for someone who is just “okay.” You deserve to be in a relationship with the perfect person! If you ever feel like you are dating someone who is less than ideal, break it off. You will find that there are so many more people out there that you have yet to meet. The right person will come around eventually, and you need to be ready. Don’t tie yourself to someone who doesn’t meet all your needs.
Opposites Attract…For A Little Bit
They always say that opposite personalities attract each other. You may be drawn to someone who is completely different and unique from who you are. But those differences can get in the way of long-term happiness. What may seem fun and exciting at first can completely clash with your way of life. You and your partner need to have at least a few things in common in order for the relationship to work.
Don’t Stop Dating Each Other
Even after years together, you should always take the time to go out on dates with your partner. It’s a chance to step away from daily routines and focus on each other. Spending quality time together helps you grow as a couple and reminds you why you fell in love in the first place. While you may be caught up in your daily routines, you should still spend one-on-one time together in a romantic setting to keep the love alive!
It is never easy to learn about relationships the hard way. However, is there any easy way out in life? You might be wondering if I will ever meet my prince charming. Do you think your Prince Charming will be anything like the Hollywood movies? Grow up, gal! It is not a rosy bed. It is full of thorns. The quicker you realize this, the better it will be for you to accept the reality of life. One thing is certain about relationships – you will meet the one. But not in the ideal scenario. Just keep your head on it and explore your options. Chances are, your prince Charmy is waiting at a dating site to charm you in ways you had never thought of before!
