16 Phrases to Avoid Saying to Your Elderly Parents
No matter how old they are, your parents always deserve your respect. There are some things that you should never say to your elderly parents as they could be viewed as rude, hurtful, and definitely disrespectful. Avoiding these things will help keep your relationship strong, happy, and one where no one’s feelings get hurt. Do as your parents taught you, and always think before you speak!
“Once You Pass Away…”
One of the most significant red flags in communication with your elderly parents is the use of hurtful statements. You risk making them feel unwanted by conveying a message that could be interpreted as wishing for their passing. It’s crucial to approach sensitive topics with sensitivity and respect, always mindful of the potential impact of our words.
“Because Of Your Age, You Cannot Do This”
Remember, there was a time when your elderly parents were young. Every older adult is young at heart. So when you tell them they cannot do something because of their age, you indirectly make them feel that they are not their younger self. One powerful way to foster a deeper connection with your elderly parents is to acknowledge their past and the vibrant lives they’ve led. This helps them feel more understood and strengthens the bond between you.
“Don’t Repeat Your Stories”
Never stop your elderly parents from telling their stories, even if they are recurring. The stories they tell are a part of their life, which is essential to them. It also shows that they are sharing a part of themselves with you. So, the next time they share a story you have already heard, do not stop them. Instead, listen to the story attentively, ask questions to show interest, and tell them the pieces you liked most. This active listening can make them feel valued and understood.
“Why Can’t You Be Careful”
Never behave as if you are older than your elderly parents. When you say words like – be careful, it shows that they are not fully aware of the perils of the world that they have raised you in. Remember, they are your parents and have lived long enough to know how to survive with utmost precaution. Constantly nagging them about remaining careful always would annoy them. Because of old age, they would start comprehending your words of care as a gesture of condescension.
“You Are Forgetting Things”
Even youngsters sometimes find it difficult to remember things. Do not use this phrase for your elderly parents. It can hurt their sentiments and make them feel worse. Remember, this is the time when you can act responsibly. Instead of telling the phrase, help them with tools like reminder apps or maintaining a list of things that make it easier for them to track. For instance, you could set up a shared calendar with reminders for necessary appointments or tasks. This can help them feel supported and independent rather than forgetful.
“Don’t Eat This”
As you get older, discussing food can become a very sentimental subject. Preaching your elderly parents about their food habits makes them feel bad. You don’t want them to feel bad, but you are concerned about their health. The best thing is to eat a balanced diet and offer a meal planner and prep if your elderly parents need it. This will help them feel valued without hurting their sentiments.
“You Have Crossed The Age To Try New Things”
Age is just a number. Telling your elderly parents they are too old to try new things shows that you feel they are not energetic anymore. Remember that aging does not mean that their hearts do not feel young. They still want to learn new things, go to different places, meet new people, and do many other exciting things. Don’t be discouraged by using phrases, as this is not your age, to try new things. Instead, you can encourage them to explore new interests or hobbies.
“You Should Try And Become More Like…”
Remember how you felt when your parents compared you with the kid next door who was very good at studies? How bad did you think? Only now are you making them feel the same by asking them to be like someone else? When you compare your elderly parents with someone else, it makes them feel undervalued. Instead of this, you should praise them for their exclusive qualities and personalities. Never fade away from telling them you love them and value them inconsiderably.
“Please Do Not Be So Dramatic”
When you say this statement to an elderly parent, it makes them feel they are being dramatic. This can make them feel hurtful. It would be best to realize that not everyone can control or hide their emotions with age. They know they are at their age’s peak but don’t want their kids to tell them how to react. The best resort that you can do is to show empathy towards them. Tell them you are there for them regardless of the situation. Being considerable in such a situation can bring out the best results.
“You Are Slowing Down”
Your parents have lived their entire lives learning and experiencing different things. They know that with age, there are things that they won’t be able to do with the same efficiency. When you remind them of their slowing down with age, it discourages them. They feel helpless; sometimes, parents avoid eye contact with their children. Instead of this statement, you can encourage them to take their time, offer a helping hand if needed, and support them so they do not feel helpless.
“You Will Not Be Able To Understand This”
If you feel that your elderly parents cannot use cutting-edge technology like mobile devices or tablets because they are getting old, never say this statement. Instead, do not feel they cannot help you in your situation. This is the right time to teach them about the new technological devices. You will be surprised with the suggestions that will come your way. Remember, experience always wins at the end of the day!
“Leave That To Me; You Are Pretty Old For This”
It is always great to help your elderly parents. However, when you use this statement, your elderly parents feel they are suitable for nothing. Try using a polite tone and reassuring sentences instead of being rude. You can help them understand that a particular task may be a little tricky for them, and since you are available, you can do it for them. This is how you show them that you believe in them, irrespective of age.
“I Have Other Priorities Now”
Ok, let’s be honest. This is true. While we love our parents, they cannot be our constant number one priority. Despite this, however, telling your father, ‘I have other priorities now,’ is a bit like telling him that you don’t care. Even though you don’t mean it in this way, we can assure you that you will make him feel a burden. So, next time he asks you for a favor, simply remind him that you have a few other things to do first, but you will surely help him whenever you have time.
“Because I Say So!”
Your parents are not your kids. Even though you may be parenting them now, you cannot treat them like your children. You must remember that they are adults! While assertiveness is key in many situations, you should always be polite and open to communication. Explain your reason and try to find an agreement instead of making decisions for them without listening to their opinions.
“You Don’t Understand The World”
It is true that modern problems pop up every single day. But the major ways of the world always remain the same. History has a way of repeating itself, and the issues of your parent’s day are likely to come around again. While a problem may seem new, there is a good chance your parents already know how to deal with the issue and what the outcome will be. They have seen it all!
“You May Want to Move Out”
Telling your parents that they should move out of their home is a terrible thing to say. It implies that they are unable to care for themselves or that they just shouldn’t be homeowners anymore. While some older adults want to sell their homes and move into a senior living center, others want to stay in their homes for their whole life. That is their decision to make. Never push your parents to move out unless you feel there is a serious medical concern, in which case, you need to approach the issue with a little more tact.
With old age, people become more sensitive and emotional. Using wrong words or behaving rudely can critically impact their physical and mental health. They did so much for their kids throughout their lives; maybe it’s time we became more affectionate and understanding toward them. So, the next time you are about to say these things, go through this blog to understand why you should not tell them and what to say instead of these things.
