16 Indicators You’re Not Crazy, You’re Being Gaslighted

Have you ever felt like your partner was making you say things you didn’t mean? Or are they attempting to persuade you that something occurred when you know it isn’t true? If this feels familiar, you might be going through gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can deeply affect your mental and emotional well-being. It involves making someone doubt their own perceptions, memories, or reality, often leading them to question their sanity. This subtle form of psychological abuse can be challenging to recognize, especially because it often unfolds gradually.

Note: The content of this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Always consult with a qualified professional for advice tailored to your individual circumstances.

Gaslighting Is Seldom Done Immediately

The longer you’ve been with your partner, the less confident you feel in your ability to judge things correctly. Gaslighting is a sinister type of manipulation that typically happens over the course of weeks, months, or even years. The longer you stay with someone who’s gaslighting you, the harder it is to tell what’s real and what’s not.

Do you find yourself second-guessing your position on things? Do you find yourself increasingly relying on a certain person to tell you what to think? You’re being gaslit.

You Keep Remembering Things Differently Than What Your Partner Says

A common thing that gaslighting partners will do is “change” the past. For example, let’s say that you and your partner go to a restaurant on Sunday. You will say, “Oh, we went on Sunday.”Your partner would then interrupt and say, “No, we went Saturday. And I know this because I remember it.”

Or, let’s say that you recall a painting you like. A gaslighter might say, “Oh, you hated that painting, don’t you remember?” This is all done to make you second-guess your ability to remember things.

You Suddenly Need A Ton Of Reassurance

A person who is gaslit will start to yearn for reassurance that others see what they do. They might ask any of the following questions repeatedly:

• “I’m not crazy, am I?”
• “You saw that too, right?”
• “Is it really as bad as I think it is?”

If this sounds like you, then you likely are questioning your sanity because you are being gaslit.

You’ve Caught Your Partner In A Lie, And They Refused To Admit It

Gaslighting and lying go together like peanut butter and jelly. You can’t have one without the other. If you have caught your partner in a lie and your partner continues to double down, you’re being gaslit.

Gaslighters will often try to stonewall you, discredit your feelings, or tell you that you’re irrational for being upset. It’s important to understand that you cannot win this argument with a gaslighter. The only way to win is not to play their game and leave them.

When You Try To Confront Your Partner, They Either Switch Topics, Distract You, Shut Down, Or Mock You

Gaslighting is all about controlling the narrative. The gaslighter wants you to feel crazy or feel helpless. They also want to be right at all times. That’s why they hate it when their partners try to confront them about their behavior. Gaslighters will do anything to avoid those conversations, including deflecting and distracting when a tough talk comes up. This is why confrontation does not work with gaslighters. Only ghosting and breakups do.

People Have Mentioned That Your Partner Told Them You Were Crazy

One of the worst things about gaslight abuse is the way that it can isolate a victim from friends and family. Most gaslighters will also try to convince other people that their victim is crazy or delusional. They also may try to discredit the victim by painting them in a bad light, such as mentioning their past misdeeds.

If your friends or acquaintances have mentioned that your partner said you were “crazy,” you need to dump your partner. Chances are they were trying to make sure you stayed isolated.

Your Partner Seems To Drain The Fun Out Of Things You Love

Gaslighters don’t just stop at misremembering things or denying their lies. They also might make you question your sense of self by using your own interests and passions against you. This can include trying to convince you that you don’t really want something or like something.

For example, let’s say you love your tennis hobby. They will start to complain about it, perhaps talking about how they notice that you’re not good at it or that you’re “bulking up” because of it. You start questioning whether you should play tennis.

Eventually, they will try to convince you that you never liked tennis at all. If they’re successful, you’ll believe them but feel a nagging feeling of loss that you can’t quite place.

You Feel Anxious, Depressed, And Insecure…and That’s Not Usually Your Style

Gaslighting has a terrible effect on a person’s mind. Even if you weren’t “crazy” beforehand, you might actually become mentally ill if a gaslighter is effective.

Studies have noted that people who are gaslit often start to exhibit symptoms of anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression. If you were typically confident and happy until you met your partner, you might have to ask why that is.

For Some Reason, You Feel Responsible For Your Partner’s Behavior

Other forms of abuse (or infidelity) tend to be present whenever there’s gaslighting involved. When a partner does something egregiously awful, they will often use gaslighting in an attempt to cover their tracks.

Abusive gaslighters may say something like, “I never hit you! Calm down! It was just a playful shove. Stop being so sensitive,” or they may try to place the blame on you by saying it’s your fault. Make no mistake about it: you are not responsible for their actions.

If You Are Honest With Yourself, Your Partner Makes You Feel On Edge

Be honest. Do you feel nervous around your partner? Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells in their presence, dreading the moment they come home from work?

If so, that’s a bad sign. It’s a sign that you are being abused. More often than not, it’s also a sign that you may have a gaslighter in your midst. Now would be a good time to disengage.

You’ve Considered Journaling Or Hidden Cameras To Find Out The Truth

Because gaslighting tends to make you question your sanity, it’s not surprising to hear that many gaslit people start trying to get evidence of what they see. They may journal in detail about events their partner “remembers,” install hidden cameras, or ask other people for help.

The truth is that a relationship should never make you feel like a KGB agent trying to uncover some major secret plan. A healthy, salvageable relationship should never need hidden cameras. If it’s gotten to this point, the relationship is far too toxic to salvage.

People Have Told You That You’re Being Gaslit By Your Partner

Did you recently go to a therapist who told you that you might be getting gaslit? Perhaps it was a friend who said they’re worried you’re being gaslit. Regardless of who it is, if they are telling you that they are worried about this, it’s worth looking into.

Now would be a good time to sit back and look at this list. Do some of these signs hit a little too close to home? If so, you probably are being gaslit.

Your Partner Is Trying To Isolate You

People who engage in gaslighting often see your outside relationships, such as friends and family, as a threat. This is because these people probably know what’s happening and may try to convince you to break up your relationship. Is your partner hyper-critical of your friends? Is he trying to keep you away from them?

They Undermine Your Emotions

For instance, you may be feeling jealous because of a connection you noticed between your partner and a colleague. While jealousy remains a negative feeling, you should be able to share your thoughts with your partner without fear. However, if every time you do so, you end up being yelled at that ‘it is all in your head’ and ‘you are crazy,’ chances are your partner is gaslighting you.

Your Partner’s Words And Actions Don’t Align

A gaslighting partner will keep telling you they care a lot about you but won’t do anything to show you that love. For instance, they may keep telling you that they love you dearly yet do nothing to prove it in practice, such as helping you with house chores, proposing a fun date to share quality time, or making concrete plans for the future together.

Phone Records Missing

If your spouse is gaslighting you, there is a good chance that they have gone through your phone, social media accounts, or emails and deleted messages or posts that they do not like. If there are texts that do not align with their new, made-up narrative, they need to delete the evidence. If you look at the history of your phone and see that whole conversations and emails are missing, you may have your spouse to blame. Try to keep your devices locked so that your spouse cannot alter your online reality, which can cause further confusion and stress.