15 Reasons Why You Missed These Relationship Warning Signs

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When you look back at your relationship, you may wonder what went wrong. Why did it fail? Why didn’t you make it to the happily ever after? More often than not, the thrill of a new romance can easily cloud your judgment, making those early warning signs seem like nothing more than quirks. Inspired by therapist Jeff Guenther’s advice, we wanted to give you a few reasons why we all often overlook red flags in relationships and how a new love’s sparkle can distract us from the truth. Just remember that it isn’t always your fault! Love and relationships can be tricky, but the more you learn and reflect, the better off you will be in the future!

Note: The content of this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Always consult with a qualified professional for advice tailored to your individual circumstances.

They Weren’t There In The Beginning

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In the beginning, everyone likes to put their best foot forward, especially when in the initial stages of courting someone romantically. If you missed their red flags at first, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s likely that they weren’t showing you that side of themselves yet because they were still hiding the bad parts while trying to win you over. As Jeff says, It’s hard to see someone’s red flags when they haven’t started waving them around for you to see yet.

You Were Blinded By Connection

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Jeff brings up a very important point here about wearing our “rose-colored glasses” when we first connect with someone. When everything feels new and fun, even the red flags can look like normal flags. It can be hard to see through the emotion and excitement you feel and really understand and observe someone’s true self. You may see this person for who they showed you at first or for the potential you can see in them. Jeff calls this positive projection. Don’t beat yourself up over wanting to see the best in people.

You Have To Trigger Them First

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Sometimes, a red flag doesn’t get thrown out until poked and provoked to come out. Jeff reminds us that some red flags have to be triggered first, and not all of those triggers occur in the early stages of a relationship. If this happens to you, try to be gentle with yourself about not knowing any better. There was no way for you to know how your partner would react to a situation you never experienced together. For example, red flags in intimacy, commitment, etc., arise over time and not always right away.

It’s Easier Said Than Done

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It’s easy to say, “I should have seen the red flags,” but it’s harder to see them when you’re actually in the midst of trying to make a relationship work. As Jeff says, you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. The hindsight that you have now that the relationship ended isn’t the same knowledge you had when it started. Give yourself the grace to know that you live and learn, and you can use this situation as a learning experience.

You Were Caught Up In The Honeymoon Phase

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I wanted to share with you a couple of more reasons from my own experience. In the beginning of a relationship, everything feels almost electric. It’s easy to get caught up and swept away in the romance and intoxication of the other person, and it can end up overshadowing potential red flags. You might find yourself lost in daydreams and the rush of emotions, focusing more on the butterflies than on their behavior. In this state, it’s not your fault that you weren’t seeing clearly. I want to remind you that the euphoria is a natural part of falling in love, not something to be hard on yourself about.

You Wanted To Believe The Fairytale

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Sometimes, we create a narrative in our head about what we want our ideal relationship to look like. It’s not that you don’t deserve the perfect relationship you’ve painted in your head. Sometimes, we paint people differently so that they fit that narrative. This desire for a fairy tale can blind you to inconsistencies in your partner’s behavior. You may make excuses for them and miss the red flags while wanting to have that fairytale you know you deserve. Be easy on yourself for just wanting to feel true love.

Past Trauma Or Experiences Influenced Your Perception

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Past relationships and experiences shape how you view love and connection. If you’ve faced trauma or have been in unhealthy relationships before, you might unconsciously ignore red flags (even if you do notice them) to avoid loneliness or rejection. Sometimes, we become so used to certain behaviors that we normalize them and mistake them for love. Understanding this can help you have more compassion for yourself for things you might have overlooked.

You Saw So Much Potential In Them

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This one can be hard to deal with, but I want to remind you that it’s admirable of you to see the best in others and try to nurture those qualities in them. So many of us fall into the trap of imagining our partner growing into a better version of themselves, thinking that love will bring out the best in them, and missing the red flags in the process, so reality doesn’t match our expectations in the end. However, recognizing this tendency can help you avoid future heartbreak.

Your Friends And Family Really Liked Them

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Often, when our friends and family really like a certain person for us, we might try harder than we know we should or become prone to missing red flags. Their enthusiasm can create a sense of validation that makes you less likely to question the relationship or person. It’s only human to seek approval from those we trust, especially when we’re infatuated. But this external validation can lead to a disconnect between you and what you really want. Remember that it’s okay to put yourself and your feelings first.

You Were In A Vulnerable State

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When you’re in a really vulnerable emotional state, it’s hard to pinpoint red flags or questionable behavior. If you are feeling lonely, insecure, or healing from past hurts, the attention and affection from a new partner can feel like a lifeline. In this state, you may prioritize connection over caution and be willing to grasp onto any sense of love or validation. This makes you vulnerable, not weak or problematic. It’s in our nature to seek these feelings of validation, but a more balanced emotional state can help you correct it.

They Were Skilled At Manipulating

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Some people are just so good at hiding who they truly are. If your partner was charming and manipulative, it could have made it easier for you to miss the red flags. They might have used tactics like gaslighting, making you question your perceptions or feelings. This kind of behavior can create confusion, making it hard to see the truth about their actions. Remember that you’re not a bad person or naive for being confused and just trying to make sense of the manipulation.

You Were Really In Love

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Sometimes, we can be so in love with someone that even the worst behaviors go overlooked, or we find ourselves making excuses for them. The excitement of a new romance can make you overlook problematic traits because of the emotional high that comes with being in love. You might find yourself saying, “I can deal with that,” rather than recognizing that some behaviors are actually deal-breakers. Don’t be hard on yourself for falling in love. Take the lessons your heart learns and apply them moving forward.

You Were Actually Pretending

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Some people fall into a false role in a relationship. You may meet someone you like, but then you slip into the role of their spouse without really considering the relationship as a whole. Many of us are just going through the motions that we know are expected of us and start acting more than being genuine. You may not see this as a red flag as you are so caught up in the storyline that you don’t realize you are playing a part rather than living your life.

They Bought Your Affection

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Some people think that they can buy love. They shower their partner with gifts and expensive presents and take them on pricy excursions. While this may be exciting, it can distort your perception of a person. All the material things may blind you and prevent you from truly seeing the person behind all of those gifts. You may not truly like the person giving you the gifts, which is a major problem! When you finally see beyond the presents, you may find that the person you are dating is not someone you want to be with.

You Have Nothing in Common

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They say that opposites attract, which can be very true at a relationship’s beginning. You may be fascinated and memorized by another person who seems so interesting and exciting. However, that interest can quickly fade as you realize that the two of you have absolutely nothing in common. You need to be able to connect on some level, and this can be very hard for people who are complete opposites. Opposites only attract for a short period of time; then, they tend to repel.

This article was inspired by the Instagram account of therapist Jeff Guenther.

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