17 Surprising Things No One Tells You About Being a Divorced Woman
Divorce is far from uncommon these days, especially in Western countries where it’s become more socially accepted. However, just because it’s more common doesn’t make it any less difficult to endure. Divorce is often one of the most challenging and transformative experiences a person can face. Here are things you might not have heard about what it’s really like to navigate life as a divorced woman. Understanding these realities can help you feel more prepared and empowered as you move forward.
Your Besties Might Not Stay Your Besties
You may have had that one friend (or multiple friends) who you thought would stick with you day in, day out. You were friends to the very end…of your divorce. After the papers were served, she started to distance herself.
Believe it or not, this is a legitimate phenomenon. Divorce is statistically contagious, and insecure people might start to see you as a threat. They may also want to avoid the stigma around it. Regardless, friendship can change after divorce, and no one tells you that.
Those First Months Can Feel So Lonely And Strange
For years, you lived with this person. They were your rock. You’d come home, and they’d be there with all their stuff. Now…they’re not there. They won’t be there again. Even if you hated your ex, it will feel strange.
Most people don’t tell you how jarring it can be to stay on your own at first, especially in an old house.
The silence in your home can feel deafening. Our suggestion? Breathe new life into that home and make it yours. It helps.
You Might Reunite With People You Thought Were Gone
In abusive marriages, spouses are often isolated from friends. If you divorced an abusive spouse, you might have assumed that your friends and family no longer want to talk to you. More often than not, that’s a lie.
If you haven’t already, contact those you drifted apart from. You might be surprised at how happy they are to hear from you.
The Dating Market Is Still In Your Favor
Contrary to what men on the internet might say, women are still in high demand throughout their 40s, 50s, and 60s. If anything, most men tend to have a hard time in the post-divorce world. If you want to remarry, you absolutely have a good shot at finding a new Mr. Right. With that being said…
You Might Not Want To Remarry Ever Again—and That’s Okay!
After a certain age, marriage tends to lose its appeal to women. By age 50, women report that most men want “a nurse or a purse” when they are dating. Most women are burnt out from that caretaker role.
Staying single by choice is now the most common outcome for divorced women over 50. How common is it? 77 percent of mid-life divorcees choose not to cohabitate or marry 10 years after their divorce.
The Money Will Probably Be Tighter Than You Expected It To Be
It’s common knowledge that women are more likely to experience financial hardship after divorce. Part of it is due to the childcare costs you might have incurred, while other parts may deal with a wage gap or even a spouse who refuses to pay alimony. You might have already braced yourself for this, but it can still be a serious shock.
Your Kids Might Stop Talking To Their Dad
Among adult children of divorcees, it’s not uncommon to hear about them going no-contact with their dads. Meanwhile, women might end up developing a closer relationship with their children. This can be due to a wide variety of factors, including men simply walking away from children.
Approximately 1 out of every 5 children never see their fathers after 15 years post-separation. With that said, you might not want to try to encourage it to happen. Parental alienation is actually a significant divorce court offense in multiple states.
There Is A Legitimate Grieving Process
There is something to be said about the heartbreak that comes with divorce. It’s a different type of heartbreak. It feels like you’re grieving a death, but that person is still alive. Somehow, it just hurts more because you could see them, but it’s just not in the cards for you.
There will be moments when you are “ugly crying,” with rivers of tears that you didn’t even know you could muster. There will also be moments when you are laughing and celebrating the day, the feeling of the divorce acting as a distant memory.
Those tears will come and go in waves. Thankfully, every moment of grief tends to be less painful than the last. It’s a slow process, but you’ll eventually overcome it.
There Will Be A Moment Where You Get Reacquainted With Yourself
No one really tells you how much of yourself you lose in marriage. Whether you realize it or not, there are a bunch of little things you compromise when you are married to someone. You might skip your favorite meal, or you might not fold your laundry just the way you like it.
Or, maybe it’s something more major.
Regardless, those parts of yourself and your own happy lifestyle tend to slip away when you’re partnered up. When you divorce, it’s those same parts that you tend to get reacquainted with. Start by cooking that meal you adore but your partner hates. You’ll be glad you did.
You Will Probably Feel Less Lonely Being Alone
Did you hear the now-viral phrase “married single mom?” It explains that unique, nagging feeling that you have to do everything at home without the help of a spouse. Married single moms often feel drained, helpless, and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work they have to do to keep their homes intact.
Most of the women who feel like married, single moms are shocked to find out how much more free time they have when they kick their spouses to the curb. Even being a single mom tends to feel easier than being married to the wrong man.
The Stigma Is Real
We all like to think that the stigma of divorce is a thing of the past. After all, divorce is now very common in America. It’s no longer the outlier, right? Well, yes, it’s common. Unfortunately, “common” doesn’t mean the same thing as “destigmatized.”
Even if you live in a fairly liberal area, you will see people change their tone with you when they hear that you have an ex-husband. It might be an eyebrow arch, an “Oh?” or maybe a quick question about what happened. The stigma is real, and only other divorcees will get it.
You Will Surprise Yourself
There will be moments when you will wonder how the heck you got on without your partner. There will be moments where you literally feel like you can’t go on without your ex. And despite everything, you’ll find yourself happily trucking along and making your life a little better daily.
You’ll be amazed at how resourceful, strong, and, yes, even lucky you can be. If you have the right people around you, they will surprise you with how helpful they can be, too.
It Doesn’t Have To Be Bad
Somehow, we all got used to the idea that divorces must be terrible. They should involve a massive amount of shouting, pain, and toxicity. But it doesn’t have to be this way. While a bit of suffering is unavoidable, your di divorce doesn’t have to be a tragedy. Some couples remain friends and serve and manage to be great co-parents for their children.
You May Still Feel Jealous After Years
Jealousy is a unique feeling. You may think you are completely over your ex and yet be surprised by these emotions when he starts dating a new woman. If this is happening to you right now, remember it is normal. Unlike what we believe, jealousy is not a sign of love. The feelings you’re experiencing right now do not indicate that you are still in love with your ex-partner. Give yourself time, and you will eventually be able to be happy for your ex-husband.
You’ll Still Think of Him
No matter how long you were married, that person was a huge part of your life. This is something that is hard to forget. Even years after divorce, you will still think about your ex. You may remember them at the oddest times, and small things may cause them to pop into your mind. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is something to be prepared for. Your marriage may be over, but that person is never 100% out of your mind.
Unexpected Dates
Many women are surprised to see their colleagues, friends, or acquaintances asking them out for a date. Of course, when we are married, people tend to keep their feelings for themselves. However, the most unexpected people may reveal their true feelings once they find out you’re single. This can be very flattering, even though it may change some of your relationships and not always for the better.
You May Still Be Friends
When you think about divorce, you probably think about never seeing your spouse again. You also may believe that you will resent your ex forever. But not all divorces end in a bad way. Many divorced couples still manage to stay friends and be active in each other’s lives. You and your ex may still get along just fine; the deep love and connection that are required for a marriage weren’t there. Divorce doesn’t have to be the final end of your relationship if you don’t want it to be. Keep an open mind about friendship as it may be a surprising, enjoyable new role.
