17 Hard-Earned Life Lessons From the Worst Breakup of My Life

No one has ever enjoyed a breakup. They are messy and emotional and can leave you feeling completely lost. All of a sudden, you’re forced to reimagine your life without that person in it, which can really shift your entire world. I recently went through a bad breakup myself, and I won’t lie; it was hard. But along the way, I picked up some valuable lessons that changed my perspective and helped me heal. Sharing these with you is my way of turning a painful experience into something meaningful, hoping that it brings you clarity and strength as you navigate your own difficult breakup.

Note: The content of this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Always consult with a qualified professional for advice tailored to your individual circumstances.

Be Your Own Best Friend

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Take this time to treat yourself well. Don’t beat yourself up over a failed relationship. Be kind to yourself as you would be to your friends if they were going through the same thing. Engage in activities that bring you joy, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, indulging in hobbies, or simply taking moments to relax and recharge. By practicing self-compassion and self-care, you’re not only nurturing your emotional resilience but also laying the foundation for a brighter and more fulfilling future.

Time is the best healer

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This is one heck of a cliché, but it’s absolutely true. Time heals all wounds and just know that whatever you’re feeling right now, it’s only temporary. In time, you’ll realize that you have your whole life ahead of you and new adventures to be had with new people. Just think of something that truly upset you five years ago. It probably doesn’t have any power on you now, right?

Take the positives and use them going forward

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While it may be painful to think of the positives when you’re going through a breakup, eventually, you should take these and use them for future relationships. Maybe you were an excellent listener to your ex, or really compassionate – these are great attributes in any relationship. After going through this relationship, you now know yourself better and can be confident of your positive sides.

Learn more about yourself

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Now that you’re finding yourself with extra time on your hands, utilize that time wisely and get to know yourself better. Pick up a new hobby or take that trip you’ve always wanted. It may be time to finally learn how to play the piano or to plan that solo trip to Latin America you’ve been dreaming of. Honestly, you can learn a lot about yourself during your most vulnerable times.

Understand what you like

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So you’ve had a relationship that’s ended, but you know there are aspects of your previous partner that you really like. This brings us to our next point. This self-awareness can guide you in identifying what you truly value in a partner and what you’re looking for in future connections. For some it may be honesty and trust, for others it may be a sense of adventure and thrill.

Recognize what you don’t like

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This is important because, after a failed relationship, you will often discover attributes that you don’t like. The relationship ended for a reason, maybe you guys just weren’t compatible. Or perhaps you’ve learned what you will not tolerate anymore from a future partner. Lack of trust, reliability, and honesty are massive red flags that we should never accept.

The world works in mysterious ways

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At one point, maybe you felt that your ex was your soulmate. And then, years down the line, something happens, and it all goes up in flames. Maybe something didn’t happen, and you just fell out of love. It happens, and it can often throw us for a loop. It’s important to remind ourselves that life will occasionally have a different plan for us, and we need to trust that it will all work out.

The peace that comes with forgiveness

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If someone has done you wrong, forgiveness may be the last thing on your mind. If a partner cheats on you, you may be tempted to think that he will never deserve your forgiveness. Yet we forgive for our own benefit. However, we can find peace within ourselves by forgiving someone. In the wise words of Lauren Conrad… “I want to forgive you. And I want to forget you.”

Validation comes from within

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In relationships, we often seek validation from our partners. How about we try something a little different and validate ourselves? In the journey of self-discovery and growth, it’s empowering to learn how to validate ourselves rather than solely relying on validation from others, including our partners. Instead of seeking external approval, take the time to recognize your own worth, strengths, and accomplishments. Practice self-affirmation and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

Being alone isn’t all that bad

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We can fear being on our own, especially if we’ve been so used to having someone else with us. But the truth is, it really isn’t all that bad. You have time to do the things that you’ve always wanted to do and explore new opportunities without having to answer to anyone. Plus, if when you were in a relationship, you were constantly rushing from one task to the next, you would be surprised by how much free time you suddenly have.

You can’t change people

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As much as we might love someone, the fact of the matter is that we can’t change them. While this is often a tough pill to swallow, it’s something we often learn after the fact. Don’t waste your time trying to mold someone to suit you. If they’re right for you, you won’t need to change a thing. This doesn’t only apply to partners but to relatives and friends, too.

Sometimes, love just isn’t enough

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You can love someone with your whole heart, but still, it may not work out. And that’s fine. While it hurts, relationships require a lot more than simply loving someone. For instance, if you have different life goals, your relationship will be very hard to work in the long run. Let’s say you want to create a family while your partner clarified that he doesn’t want to have children. Unfortunately, there is rarely a solution in this case.

Figure Out What Went Wrong

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Regardless of why you and your ex broke up, chances are that both of you had some faults. While pointing the finger at your ex is easy, it’s worth it to ask ourselves what you did wrong. Were you too possessive? Did you ignore his needs? Figuring out how to improve yourself is fundamental to becoming a better partner for your next relationship.

You Won’t Die Alone

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Most of the time, the fear of being alone is what scares us the most about breaking up. Despite what people say or think, the truth is that you won’t die alone. Even if you’ll never find the right person, you will still be surrounded by friends and relatives for the rest of your life. This is crucial for us to understand as we often stay in relationships that don’t work for fear of spending the last years of our lives alone.

It Doesn’t Really Have To Be Over

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In many cases, what makes us suffer the most is the idea that we lost one of our best friends. If you are concerned about this, it’s worth asking yourself whether this is true. Plenty of people manage to maintain a healthy relationship with their exes. Maybe this breakup is not the end of your story with your ex; it’s just a new beginning. He may end up becoming one of your best friends!

Friends Are More Important Than You Think

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Our society often undervalues the power of friendships. We celebrate romantic love in so many ways, such as weddings! Yet, we never get to celebrate our friendships. This is paradoxical because, in most cases, your friends will be there before and after your romantic relationships. So, never take these people for granted. Even when starting a new relationship!

You Are Incredible

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No matter what comes your way, you need to remember that you are strong, smart, and incredible. Embracing your worth and abilities will help fuel your confidence and move forward after a breakup. Remember, confidence isn’t just a feeling. It’s the belief in yourself that will unlock doors and empower you to reach your fullest potential. You don’t need a partner to be a fantastic human being. You are more than enough!

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